wikisneedia!

all episodes are linked, as if you haven’t already seen them a dozen times or more.

5. dead putting society

this episode has always been one of my favourites. it contains references to the karate kid, full metal jacket and dead poets society. it also introduced me to the phrase if a tree falls down in the woods and no one’s around, does it make a sound? and is totally zen. the final hole on the golf course is abe lincoln opening and closing his legs, in a parody of the lincoln memorial. it also features homer and flanders in dresses.

4. thirty minutes over tokyo

there are a lot of reasons why this episode is great; battling seizure robots, making fun of jim belushi only getting by on his brothers fame, cameos from rich uncle pennybags, mothra, godzilla and woody allen. but that is all shadowed for me by a small one line joke referencing the greatest japanese film of all time.

Marge: Come on, Homer.  Japan will be fun!  You liked Rashomon.
Homer: That's not how I remember it.

3. bart the general

this is the earliest episode on the list, the 5th full length episode to be aired, and it shows. outside of the movie references (patton, full metal jacket, stripes) there are a lot of references to war that i probably didn’t understand on first viewing, but looking back on it now realise are deep and dark which fits the early tone of the show. but then right at the end it pulls you back around.

Bart: There are no good wars, with the following exceptions:  The American Revolution,
        World War II and the Star Wars Trilogy.

2. the new kid on the block

this episode has the best moe’s tavern prank phone call of all time, amanda huginkiss. and in response moe truly shines;

Moe: When I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat 
         and stick starving dogs in your butt!

1. you only move twice

hank “he didn’t even give you his coat” scorpio.

a suggestion from bedscenes.

i don’t hide the fact that i, like 90% of rational people, am not a fan of keanu reeves. so i need to preface this list with a disclaimer. this list is my top five films that keanu reeves has starred in, not the top five movies where keanu reeves has given a good performance. ok, now that that is out of the way, let’s begin.

5. point break - johhny utah! if you play a character with that innocuous a name it better be an outstanding performance in an unbelievable film where you shoot your gun in the air because you don’t want to shoot your friend who is also the guy your job it is to catch and or shoot. this film was also made in keanus banner year, he was also in my own private idaho and the next entry in this list.
4. bill and ted’s bogus journey - without a doubt the best thing about this movie is the extremely long reference to the seventh seal that begins in the linked clip. the second best thing is when bill and ted are falling to hell and play twenty questions. plus anytime keanu says woah is a win for the viewer.
3. thumbsucker - keanu plays a small role in this film. he is the morpheus to lou pucci’s neo in that he delivers sage advice in dulcet tones. this is the only nonkeanucentric film on the list but it’s actually a good performance from him.
2. the matrix - now i know that everything that happened in this series after the first movie is complete shit. but this came out when i was 11, and as an eleven year old boy a movie like the matrix blows your fucking mind. especially when you sneak into the cinema to see it. twice in a week. looking back on it, it still stands up but it’s cheapened by all the sequels and comics and anime and what have you.
1. bill and ted’s excellent adventure - all i want to say about this film is that i remember when i first saw it i had a huge crush on joan of arc and that this scene now sums up my philosophy on life.

honourable mention to the bus that couldn’t slow down. if you get the reference then you are awesome. the reference isn’t to the actual movie that that is the synopsis of.

this suggestion came from manditra.

5. old books. i don’t know if it’s the paper stock deteriorating or getting damp or accumulating dust but there is something about the smell of old books that makes it hard for me to leave second hand books shops.

4. petrol. or gasoline for americans. i know a lot of people cannot stand the smell of petrol and i totally understand why because i know that i shouldn’t like it. there is something so sick about it but that doesn’t stop me taking big old sniffs when i’m waiting for someone to fill ‘er up. i think it may have something to do with the fact that when on tour we would be at a service station atleast once a day so i associate that smell with good times.

3. sawdust. it might just be the wannabe lumberjack in me that loves this smell but wood of any kind wether it be wet or dry or burning is high up on my list. sawdust gets a special place in the top 5 because it smells clean and strong. if you add some pine needles into the mix and then bottle that smell i’d be buying it in bulk.

2. hot, wet tarmac. i live in a country where prolonged bouts of sunshine are cause for concern. rain rules our lives. but i can forgive rain on a hot day when it’s falling on an empty car park or wide street. it’s the smell of summer in the city and i’m a city boy at heart. it’s also the smell of arriving by plane in a hot country and what is better than that.

i’d like to make a special mention that i allowed myself only one food smell on this list because if i hadn’t it would just be a list of my favourite food and that’s not what i’m here to do. so i apologize to freshly baked bread, you came so close.

1. popcorn. salted butter popcorn to be precise. microwave popcorn is ok and will do the job if you’re in your house watching a bullshit horror film on your couch with a blanket. but when i want a film experience i need surround sound, i need a huge god damn screen, i need snuck in juice because the concession stand overcharges for badly mixed syrup water. and i hate paying for all that shit now that you can just download the torrent and lie in bed. but the one thing that i will never get sick of paying for is cinema grade popcorn, food of gods and nerds alike.

suggestions for new lists go here.

this was sofies suggestion.

i’m not going to go into too much detail about individual beards. but i will say this, as soon as i realised that i could maybe get away with growing a beard, a large part of my life has been consumed by sending positive vibes to my jaw to try and get the hair sprouting. there is nothing more manly than a beard. it makes you look tough, like you could be dropped in the middle of nowhere and live off the land without even breaking a sweat. it is every mans duty to grow atleast one beard, and then when shaving, trying as many different styles as possible. moustache with chops is my favourite so far.

5. david letterman. not only was his beard for a good cause, but he had fun with it, which is what a good beard is really all about.
4. zach galifianakis. the picture is worth a thousand words.
3. abe lincoln. we can’t really talk beard without talking about honest abe. now we all know that he grew his beard because a little girl wrote a letter and suggested it, but who would you rather run the country; baldy or chinstrap?
2. bruce willis. you’d have to ask demi moore about his other body parts but his beard is easily the longest normal beard i can think of without it turning into one of those braided, competition efforts where guys have different combs for different parts of the beard.
1. daniel day lewis. he is the king of facial hair in my opinion. he easily pulls off every possible style. a couple of different moustache styles that would make most men look ridiculous but there he is in all his furry faced glory.

props to santa, god and the devil, if any of you guys existed then you’d be all up in this list.

listening to five tacos and a taco has had me doing lists in my head of whatever comes to mind. what should i do a top five list of?